My Farewell To You

This is the probably the hardest thing I've ever had to write. This is my farewell to you, my best friend here. I thought you were someone I could relate to. I thought we were close. I see now that I our bond was not so strong. I didn't know something so little, so trivial, could tear us down. I see now that you're not the on I thought you to be.

Unfortunately, that doesn't make this any easier. If anything, my heart aches more. I wish there was something I could do or something I could say but I know it will not fix what's in our way. You may be the one physically leaving but I'll be the one that's gone. You'll never be around to see it but just know that it's happening. I feel it now, sitting a few seats from you. This distance will only grow bigger but for me, it will not be just from you.

It will be from everyone.

I wish it didn't have to be this way but I can't take this constant pain. Because of that, this shall be my farewell to you and to everyone. You will probably never read this, you will probably never know because you don't want to speak to me. I don't understand why but I shall learn to accept it. I've been told not to take this personally but that's impossible for me to do. If I could take it all back, I probably would but maybe it's best.

Maybe we're not meant to be friends. Maybe it would be best if we hadn't met but I can't bring myself to regret the fact that we have. When I look back, I will remember all the good times but of course, my mind will then snap back to this - our tormented parting and the sadness that overwhelms me now, and the tears that continually consume my eyes will both reappear again but most of all the horrible, aching, tearing pain in my heart will rip the wound open again and it will feel as though no time has passed and as though the slash had never healed.

It probably won't be the same for you. You may look back and wish you'd never met me or you may feel nothing at all. Maybe even worst of all, you won't think back on this time at all. Just know, that I shall never forget nor will I regret. You have helped me through some difficult times and it hurts to know that you are not here to help me through this, the hardest of them all and that you will not be here to continue to help me after the initial impact is over and the aftermath occurs. You may not think back on me or my pain but you shall cross my mind everyday.

I will wonder if you care or if this causes you pain. I will wonder what you tell your friends, new roommates, and parents about me. I will wonder if you mean those words. I will wonder if you meant any of the ones you said to me before all this trouble. I will never ask you though. I don't have the courage to confront you. I don't have the will-power to not let these dams loose if I were to speak to you.

Most of all, I don't have the strength to watch you walk away - no matter what I say - because if that were to happen, what little protection I have will fail. My walls will crumble along with my spirit and that will be the final blow. I will fall and I'm afraid that I won't survive such a drop. With this, I must force myself to stop. I must have the will to say goodbye And so I say to you, the one whom I thought myself to be so close with, farewell and I wish you all the best that you no longer desire to share with me.

Farewell.

Update: Please don't ask me what happened. It has been resolved but I liked what I wrote and I needed it to be said.